So day two of the 30 things list is describe legitimate fears and how they became fears. There are many things people are afraid of but only a few things get people so scared they can’t function. Sure the occasional popping up from a box is shocking or the latest horror movie makes you shiver, but what makes my blood run cold? If you find them funny then it’s alright to laugh. I do it too sometimes.
1. Heights/Flying: I’m not sure where the origin of this fear came from. I think the earliest memory I have is being on the monkey bars at elementary school and looking down thinking “Holy Shit I’m going to get hurt when I fall.” Just the thought of not being able to control where you’re going or correcting yourself sends shivers through my spine. Some things are okay for me if I know I’m safe. I have control over where I’m going and if I can grab hold of something. The flying comes from a helicopter ride I took at the county fair one year. I thought it would be fun but then I realized I didn’t have control of where I was going in the the and I freaked when we made a loop and I was parallel with the ground. So there you have one of the three. I know many people have it, but not for the same reasons.
2. Losing someone: Again, another typical fear amongst the populi. Though this can vary between death or a split in a relationship, my fear is basically both in this case. If I lost Jesse from a car accident, I would be devastated. He is my world, my rock, and the only thing that can keep me stable. If I lost him in a situation dealing with our relationship then I probably fucked up somewhere and I would end up having a stroke. I try every single day to let him know how much I love him and need him in my life. (If I don’t then let me know.) Family also falls into the category. I can’t stand the thought of losing my mom, dad, brother, sister, neices, or friends. It makes my heart race and my blood turn to ice. I guess this became a big fear when my grandmother died. She was my life. When she was gone I felt so alone.
3. No Discovery: Let me give you the background to this before I explain it. When I was eleven I had a dream about the end of the world; the first time I ever considered it. I don’t know where it came from, but I woke in a cold sweat and fear was eating at my stomach. The only thing I kept saying in the dream was “But there is so much more to do! So much more out there to learn and discover! Why now?” I’m afraid we’ll end before we begin. Think about the vast expanses out there beyond wheat we see in the night sky. I want us to discover a new cure, find miracles in genetics, and possibly prevent war.
These are my fears. They may not make sense or they may not be the same as yours, but they are mine and that’s all that matters.