For Lillia

On November 3rd, a friend of mine commented on a post about the passing of Wayne Static. She said,”death does not discriminate.” Nine days later she died.

I’ve had many friends throughout my life. Most of them were temporary friendships that I was okay with how they faded. Now there’s only a select few that I confide in, one living on the other side of the world from me. I do not trust anyone new that I meet due to the fact that people I considered my kin turned their back on me after I had done so much for them. It’s funny how people change. It’s funny how in one instance, someone I considered a soul mate received a card in middle school from someone she thought was her best friend saying they could no longer be friends turn around and do the same to me eight years later by cutting me off without a fucking goodbye. It’s funny how you spend so much time, money, energy, and love on certain people and they suddenly want to make everyone in the whole town think you’re a horrible person.

Lillia was different. We met through a group on Facebook and became acquaintances. In February, when our dog Gabriel was shot, she immediately messaged me and asked for updates on him. After that, we never stopped talking about everything we could think of. We shared stories of our teenage years, exchanged information on herbs and stones, and introduced each other to new music and animes. She became someone I would talk with every night I knew she was working. Lillia would take time out of her day to talk to me. I’m not going to share detailed information on her life or what was wrong that lead to her death. She named herself Lillia for a reason.

Lil worked way too hard for her own good. That’s what made her unique. She never knew when to rest, but she knew things had to be done. You could tell from the way she talked to other people that everyone who knew her as a friend completely adored her. Those that didn’t had to work really hard for her not to like them. People like that are pure treasures and her family and loved ones knew that.

Some folks might be saying that just because I knew her online, doesn’t mean I actually knew her. That I really have no place in doing any of this because I didn’t know her “in real life.” I say you can go fuck yourselves. It honestly doesn’t matter if you know someone through the internet or the physical plane. The fact of the matter is that you knew another human being that you connected with and formed a relationship with. So anyone who thinks they have a higher privilege because of that needs to check it. Those of us who have no possible way of going around the globe or across a country to spend time with someone still have that connection as if we had.

I don’t know if this post has gone the way I wanted it to or not. I’m being purely honest and not censoring what I’m going to say. I’m devastated and absolutely heartbroken at the loss of someone I loved dearly. I can only count my blessings and keep being the person she knows I am. I learned a lot from her and I will cherish the time I got with her. Now she’s on to the next big adventure. Hopefully she’ll meet me at the bar.

Oh, and Alex, when you finally decide to get your ass to the states, drinks are on me.