Adventure with Jeffrey

This post is also featured on the Pentacle Project Blog: http://pentalcleproject.wordpress.com/2014/08/23/adventure-with-jeffrey-by-aradia-lecrawe/

In 2013, I attended the Pagan Unity Festival in Burns, Tn.

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I was invited by my adopted mother and our friends, Ariel and Tom of the Green Egg. It was my first festival and my excitement was to the roof. This was the first time I could be open about who I was with people who were like me. The VIPs of that year had me looking forward to learning new things. I wouldn’t consider myself a “baby Pagan” but I felt like one amidst the heavy hitters. There was a bit of intimidation, but I remembered everyone, festival goer and speaker alike, were there to learn and have a good time. To be honest, I got along more with the speakers and a few vendors than the rest of the people.

If you go to PUF and see this woman, give her a hug and say thanks. Also tell her everything is going to be okay. She stresses to much. :P

If you go to PUF and see this woman, give her a hug and say thanks. Also tell her everything is going to be okay. She stresses too much. ūüėõ

Now this story isn’t going to be an account of my experience. It’s a story of understanding, or trying to, the level of a person; one person in particular. It’s also an lesson in the sanctity of the earth. So this person in question stood out at the festival. We will call him Jeffrey. I’m hoping his real name isn’t Jeffrey or this will be awkward. He didn’t really make a big impression at the start. I couldn’t help but notice him walking around when I arrived. He was a small, lanky fellow with freshly dyed black hair, glasses, the infamous three wolf and full moon shirt, and cargo pants with sneakers. His gait was wide and almost John Wayne-esque as he waddled up and down a little path leading from the main hall to vendor’s row. Of course, I thought nothing of it. I’ve seen people like him before and accept them for who they are, but things were about to get perplexing.

Ah. The wonderful Three Wold Moon shirt. Decoration for the Gypsy Soul.

Ah. The wonderful Three Wolf Moon shirt. Decoration for the Gypsy Soul.

Now, mind you, I wasn’t watching Jeffrey like a hawk the moment I got there. I just saw him in passing as there weren’t many people at the festival that year, and trust me, he made his rounds. My first strange experience with Jeffrey came during the talk that Oberon Zell-Ravenheart was giving about education. Brilliant speech, but I kept getting distracted by Jeffrey. I think he decided that in order to get the best view, he wouldn’t sit like everyone else and share the tables and benches. No, he was going to open his lawn chair right in the middle and sit front and center. Granted, it’s not a bad idea, but if the people on either side want to get up, they can’t. It really wasn’t that big a deal. It was just a little strange to me, but I let it go. The next thing I took note of was after Oberon was finished, he opened the floor for questions. Naturally people would ask about the subject of his lecture (education and the school systems). Not Jeffrey. I saw his hand go up and he asked,” What was the most powerful spell you’ve ever done?” Okay. A little off topic, but curiosity is good. I have to admit though, I titled my head and stared at the back of his for a few seconds in confusion.

What?

What?

Nevertheless, Oberon would never let an inquisitive mind go without being sated and answered Jeffrey’s question. He didn’t give a specific instance, but how could you if you were Oberon?

Being an empath, I felt something odd. A feeling of dissatisfaction. Not from myself, but from in front of me. I realized that wasn’t the answer Jeffrey was looking for. Thankfully, he was respectful and accepted Oberon’s answer. Not a big deal, right? Of course. I’m sure there were a few people coming with specific expectations that weren’t met. It’s okay. Just take a breath and move one. It’s what most people do.

I don't think I have to reiterate what this picture says.

I don’t think I have to reiterate what this picture says.

¬†I naturally went on about my day walking around with my other adopted mother, Lora. We ventured through vendor’s row and saw many excellent wares. It almost felt like walking around a Khajit caravan from The Elder Scrolls Series. There was incense burning, music play, and a drum circle over by the giant oak tree. The vendors were absolutely wonderful and friendly. I’m hoping one day Sylveey, Lora and myself could set up a tent. I think it would be fun.

Anyway, I sat through a couple of other talks and met Dorothy Morrison, one of the sassiest, classiest fucking witches to grace this earth. Seriously, read her books and watch videos of her talks (especially with MR Sellars). I’m not afraid to be a bit wicked and put my foot down thanks to this woman. You’ll see another post later on about Dorothy.

Can't contain this much awesome.

Can’t contain this much awesome.

The reason I bring up Dorothy is she is involved somewhat with my experience with the Jeffrey. You see, that night in a cabin there was a small class called “Chicken Feet avec Dorothy Morrison, Byron Ballard, and Nancie Clark.”

Nancie, Oberon, and Byron

Nancie, Oberon, and Byron… I didn’t take this btw

Oh I was completely over the moon knowing I was going to sit through a talk with these women. I love Hoodoo. I love Folk Magic. I love herbs. This was right up my alley. Sylveey and Lora had been mentoring me in these magicks since I had met them, and to learn with them was whole other experience.

Okay, I’ll stop gushing and get back to Jeffrey.

Unfortunately, there were no tables or chairs in this tiny cabin. Thankfully, it was a small group. I recognized a few people from earlier in the day. Oberon even made his way inside. It was a new experience sitting on the floor against the wall, bare feet sticking out from my dress, and fanning myself along with other sweaty, happy Pagans. Before everything got started I looked around and lo and behold there’s Jeffrey, middle of the room in his lawn chair. This was probably the first time I regret not bringing one.

So the ladies started to get things going. We were informed that they didn’t have a set itinerary for the talk and they decided to make it a huge discussion involving everything. They asked if we had any questions or if we had anything to discuss. Out of the corner of my eye I see a pasty white arm shoot in the air. Guess what…

It was Jeffrey.

Now this next bit is where my brain starts turning and a series of events unfold where my inner Southern woman comes out. Jeffrey didn’t want a discussion. He didn’t want to talk with a group or to the women teaching. No. The first thing that popped out of his mouth was,” Are we going to do a powerful ritual?”

hmmmm...neutral suspicious face activated

hmmmm…neutral suspicious face activated

I know I said earlier about letting things go, but I had this feeling that I should pay attention and not ignore what he had just done. So, naturally, I kept him in my peripheral. He was informed that rituals take place out on the ritual field and this was a class. Forgive me, I cannot remember the details of everything that was said so bear with me.

Dorothy shared that you can use chicken feet to cleanse a person before a ritual. You go around them making the motions of chicken scratching (with the foot in hand, of course) and “scratch off” any negative energy. ¬†She called on a couple of volunteers and sure enough, I catch that lily white arm rocket into the air. Jeffrey leapt (btw, did you know that WordPress does not recognize “leapt” as a word?) like a gazelle over a few people and stood front and center as Nancy’s husband stepped forward. I will have to give you a picture to show a similar point of view I had.

Nancy's husband is Tsun... the big guy

Nancy’s husband is Tsun… the big guy

I¬†might be over exaggerating a tiiiiny bit, but like I said: I can’t remember details.

Anyway, Nancy’s husband (I will call him Tsun and I’m sorry I can’t remember his name) cleansed Jeffrey. It was an interesting spectacle to watch a cleansing with a chicken foot. I was actually thinking of how I could acquire a chicken foot and if I could use a different bird. Sadly, I’m still guessing but that’s my fault for not asking. Jeffrey stood there kind of meditative. Out of nowhere, Dorothy sounds off with,” You can also use scissors.” Again, I’m intrigued until she says to switch places.

There was a shift in the air around the cabin. No one said a word but you could literally feel everyone collectively think,” I…. don’t think that’s a good idea.” So now, all of us sat in silence with straight faces as Jeffrey started snipping the air around Tsun.

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It was almost comical when Dorothy reminded him to get the top of the head and watch Jeffrey strain to reach. You could almost catch a glint of mischief in Tsun’s eye as he stood there…. from what I remember anyway. ¬†Luckily, that experience went by without anything unexpected. Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief both internally and externally. I also got confirmation through empathy that I wasn’t the only one a bit iffy with Jeffrey. So we then went on to talk of different tips and tricks using brick dust and herbs and protection. I wish I could remember what exactly it was we talked about but the next bit kind of blew that all away.

THE FOLLOWING PASSAGES CONTAIN NSFW LANGUAGE AND RANTS. DON’T LIKE IT? DON’T READ IT.

There was a couple there that also took some time to explain some things to people using their experience. One lady had a question and the gentleman went on about how to help her. I could feel there were a few people who thought it was rude he was talking and talking, but I was interested. But remember this couple… they are important later.

Right after this exchange, Jeffrey’s arm was in the air again. Dorothy pointed at him and a classic came out of his mouth:

“I think I’ve been cursed.”

Just........ no

Just…….. no

First question in my head which was also immediately followed by Dorothy: Who did you piss off?

Now here is where my southern charm is gonna show. This “Playgan” decided to visit the Bell Witch Cave in Adams, Tn. If there is one legend I know by heart, it’s the Bell Family and their “Witch.” When visiting the area, you are taken to the cave itself. Little Jeffrey thought it was a good idea to take a rock. HE TOOK A ROCK! He then stated that he lost his job and some other stuff but I was fuming.

Would you like to know why?

YOU DON’T TAKE SHIT WITHOUT ASKING!!!

He thought the Bell Witch was an actual fucking person! NOOOO!

And lastly:

IT’S A GODDAMN NATIVE AMERICAN BURIAL GROUND!

Rage.sh-600x600

I had stayed calm up to this point. I wanted to correct him. By gods, if that man and woman could share a thing or two then I would as well. This was an open discussion. Too bad everyone was talking at once. I leaned over, and from later stories from witnesses, I was in the lap of the person next to me pointing at Jeffrey. I wanted to say so much but I WILL NOT talk over people.

For the first time, Jeffrey looked right at me and all I was able to say to him was the first rule of going into a cave:

Take nothing but pictures and leave nothing but footprints.

Tacoma Falls, MI

Tacoma Falls, MI

Devil's Millhopper Geological State Park, Gainesville, Florida

Devil’s Millhopper Geological State Park, Gainesville, Florida

¬†These are just a couple of examples. There are signs in just about every place that involves caving systems or state parks. Tennessee is known for having some sweet caves. Anytime you visit one you are reminded of this little motto. Apparently Jeffrey didn’t listen so I reminded him. The problem was that I was being drowned out and interrupted by the couple in the back. I don’t know if they knew they did, but I was already in angry ginger mode so they were on my bad side too. Though, now, I couldn’t care less.

Let me tell you what I wanted to say; what I wanted to shove in his tiny little ears and make sure it fuckin stayed. He had dealt with two things that I hold dear.

1. The Bell Witch

The Bell Witch was not a witch at all. The Bell Witch had NOTHING to do with that damn cave. The movie that was released a few years ago had it right. The Bell Witch was a manifestation caused by a little girl who was going through undue stress.

I suggest reading The Bell Witch: An American Haunting by Brent Monahan.

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2. Caves are Sacred

On top of the cave being a burial ground where Native Americans don’t want to be disturbed, it’s also a sacred place. We are of the earth. We are a part of it. When you walk into a cave, feel reverent that you are inside of our mother. You are in the womb. Caves hold a completely different energy that is awe inspiring and powerful. Respect shouldn’t be a choice, but a necessity when you enter such a place.

Lost Sea in Sweetwater, Tn

Lost Sea in Sweetwater, Tn

What Jeffrey did was take something from a place that was occupied by those who have left this plane of existence. If Jeffrey were knowledgeable, he would have asked. Yes, I did think of the probability that Jeffrey was one of those “computer taught pagans” who hasn’t had the opportunity to be taught by an actual person. Then again, he could have been one of those and thought he knew what the fuck he was doing.

Did I overreact? No. I never got to share what I wanted to. This is a rant to the readers.

There are Pagans out there who think they know everything. They tend to give the rest of us a bad name. I don’t think Jeffrey is one of these. I sensed he was wanting to learn. ¬†He had the air about him of being a loner. Maybe he was the only one in his family to take this path. He just seemed so lonely, but it’s those kinds of situations where you know if you befriend them, it’ll only end badly.

So Jeffrey, if you’re out there, I’m offering an open invitation to come have a chat with me. Let’s talk and we will get you on the right track on being a Pagan. I’m not saying I know everything, but I can help you out. I know what I’ve been taught… by human beings, not computers. I can give you books and videos about things that will blow your little mind. I’m not coming here offering to be a teacher, but I’m giving you my hand to take you where the information flows like wine.

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Lesson in Humility

A long time ago when I was going to church, our youth group was led by a husband and wife team. They were passionate about leading young people to Christ and showing them how to live a good Christian life. I had many wonderful times with them and I miss the love I was shown. Things have changed since I left the church and most of it isn’t for the best. They have their own little church outside of town. They aren’t what they used to be.

It’s also not the point of this post. I had to introduce them in order to get my point across.

I watched a video from someone whom I’m subscribed to on youtube. From there it took me to a Mormon channel that had their song with a movie about Jesus. Jesus was a great guy. He had good morals and loved everyone no matter who or what they were. He knew how to handle an argument and took care of those in need. It may be a faerie tale but I think the story of Jesus holds a good message. Anyway, in this video I saw the bit where Jesus was washing the feet of his disciples. For some reason I went back many years ago to an Easter service our youth group had on a Thursday night. The husband and wife were there and I believe there were other adults. They spoke of how Jesus loved his disciples and washed their feet to teach them a lesson. We listened to the sermon and I noticed the other adults were bringing wash basins from the kitchen. They had towels and anointing oil and carried them to the front where they moved the chairs to make two semi circles. At first I thought that we had to wash their feet. Second thought was,”The fuck?”

They split the group into two (boys and girls) and had us sit in the chairs. One of the strangest things that has ever happened to me, happened in the next few minutes. The wife went one by one to each girl and removed their shoes. I watched as she gently untied and pulled off shoes, sandals, socks, toe rings until our bare feet surrounded her. The husband was doing the same to the boys. It was kinda funny seeing the uncomfortable faces at a grown man touching their feet, but it wasn’t meant to be intimate. Our youth leader then moved the wash basin to the first girl and proceeded to place a foot inside. She then took a pitcher of warm water and poured it over the girls foot. I watched a grown woman wash a child’s feet. She wasn’t scrubbing away, but making sure the water cleansed the feet. She was keeping her head bowed and stayed on her knees as she lovingly washed the girls feet. She did this to every one of us.

When it was my turn, I couldn’t help but get this overwhelming sense of pure compassion and love from my youth leader. She washed my feet one by one and poured anointing oil over the water and rubbed it in. She used the towel to dry them and kissed the tops of my feet. For some reason I started crying. I couldn’t help it. This woman who was a teacher and a leader to us was prostrating herself and washing our feet, something only servants did for their masters. I was genuinely humbled by that. I could feel that she was absolutely sincere as to what she was doing. She loved us. She loved these little misfit children who came to church for a family we didn’t have at home. It wasn’t the fact that God compelled her to do it. It was the love she felt for us.

I honestly can’t say the same for the husband. I still see the wife out and about. She knows how I am and what I do, but she doesn’t let that get in the way of giving me a hug and telling me she loves me. Every time she sees me she never fails to do that. I believe she’s one of the few Christians left in my life who actually practices the teaching of Jesus. And for that, I thank her.

I Thought What You Said In the Pulpit Was Sacred

Some people may not like this post, but I have to do it. Others might say that I have no right to say anything since I am not a Christian. I say, Fuck you. I’m not going to go into a deeply religious rant on my beliefs or yours. Frankly, I don’t care. No, really, I don’t. What I care about is people being bigoted assholes to fellow humans who don’t deserve it. They hate because “the Bible says.” Well, my friend, the Bible says many a thing and you wouldn’t do half as much if you actually read it.

Now to my point. I came across a video recently of a woman being interviewed about a particular sermon her preacher did that caught national attention. This preacher being Pastor Charles L. Worley of the Providence Road Baptist Church. I feel shameful living in the south thanks to people like this, feeding into the stereotypes of rednecks and retards. What I heard from this sermon was downright sickening. How could anyone who claims to have the “love of Jesus” say such cruel things about other people? I want to call it indoctrination. Either way, he’s stupid. He’s ignorant and I hope the most flamboyant, flaming homosexual man comes up and kisses him right on the cocksucker right before say “I love you because God loves you.”

If this is starting to offend you, stop reading. People don’t seem to realize that and just keep going. Like this guy:

Not only did he get the attention of the national media, his followers were in on it too. Didn’t help matters much, but let’s just say the woman tried. Anderson Cooper…….I love you. Rule 1: If you or your church is being accused of hate and all that other goodness that comes with diarrhea of the mouth, DO NOT LET AN IGNORANT, STICK-IN-HER-ASS, VAIN, SOUTHERN CUNT TALK FOR YOU! Besides, she’s a woman. According to you, shouldn’t she be making babies or something?

When you preach to a crowd of lovely church going people, guide them in the way of the Lord. Don’t tell them what YOU think should be done. Don’t joke about you trying to get a bill passed for genocide. That’s demoralizing and degrading on your part. Teach them what Jesus taught his followers. That’s mainly in the New Testament. Get out of the Old Testament and go with Jesus, not with the Jews (totally not dissing the Jews, they are a lovely people). And for fuck’s sake, YOU PREACH POLITICS IN YOUR PULPIT YOU BETTER START PAYING TAXES!

Skyrim Horses in Anime?

Ross has the weirdest ways of introducing me to new anime. He has this thing where he quotes things and I have no idea where they’re from….so curiosity gets the better of me and I HAVE to know what he’s talking about. There is this one instance where he would say,” Are you ready guys? Get ya guns on!!” and i would stare cluelessly at him. Well I found out it was from an anime called Senguko Basara: Samurai Heroes. This is what he was talking about.

For some reason….it repeats and you’ll have to stop it yourself.

Now I watched this anime and came to the conclusion it was pretty freakin epic. Good choice for Shonen fans. But there is this one character called Shingen Takeda or the Tiger of Kai. Intimidating fellow. He rides TWO horses. Seriously, plants one foot on each and rides them into battle. The thing is….they’re Skyrim horses. If you’ve never played Skyrim, here’s what I mean.

Skyrim horses say,” Fuck physics!”

As well as these:

Don’t Assume Anything

no·tion

noun

1.

a general understanding; vague or imperfect conception or idea of something: a notion of how something should be done.
2.

an opinion, view, or belief: That’s his notion, not mine.
3.

conception or idea: his notion of democracy.
4.

a fanciful or foolish idea; whim: She had a notion to swim in the winter.
5.

an ingenious article, device, or contrivance; knickknack.
After reading the question of the day, I realized that there are tons and tons of “notions” that people of on a variety of subjects. Thinking a little more about it I thought of how funny the word actually sounds. The fourth definition of the word seems to be my favorite due to the comical example. I wanted to choose something that affects me personally. Being a young person, I do a lot of young person things. There are also a lot of things I don’t do that most young people do. For example, I hate going to clubs. Most people my age enjoy going to clubs, though the only ones around here worth mentioning are gay clubs; nonetheless, it’s still a club and they go to it. I like staying indoors and reading a book or making jewelry, but the biggest pastime favorite I have is playing video games.
Ah, I said the foul words most parents hate to hear. VIDEO GAMES!!! Yes, I play them….. very often. Now with the notion part: People think video games are damaging to the younger generation. NO. Just no. Yeah, there are kids out there who will not budge from their television for hours in order to complete a massacre of fellow online players. Or even computers for that matter. Those PC gamers are just as bad for not wanting to go anywhere other than the next map. I’m not a PC gamer. I’m willing to try though. I don’t like WOW or any other popular MMORPG that involves me socializing with people through the tubes of the internet.
I really don't want to talk to that.

I really don’t want to talk to that.

Yeah, I know you can interact with people through console games too. I used to be a PlayStation girl growing up, but since I met Jesse he introduced me to the GameCube and the great XBOX360! I still have my PS, PS2, both PSPs (God of War editions) and play on them. You can’t take PlayStation away from this girl. I used to watch him and our friends play those hardcore war games like COD and HALO with others across the country. I really didn’t mind the thought of playing with these people, until I heard a child one day. That is what turned me away from online gaming. Those disgusting snot nosed children who have nothing better to do than cry and whine about how you or your friends aren’t playing fair and you’re a “fag” and such things like that. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. In a strange epiphany one day I realized that the video games aren’t the problem with kids. It’s something completely different: PARENTS.

Yes, I said it. It’s the parents. That’s the notion that world has wrong about video games. It’s not what the kids are getting from it. It’s what the parents aren’t keeping their kids from. Okay, let me explain from my point of view.

I work at WalMart. I help out in electronics all the time. Some people don’t like the idea that a girl knows more than they do about computers, HD tvs, iPhones, iPads, iPods, games, movies and cell phones than they do (I’ll probably do another post on this later). Anyway, one of the jobs is to get games out of the case for customers wishing to purchase them. What gets me is that these moms will come in with their kids (sons mostly) and buy all these adult themed games. For example, not even last week this woman came in with her son and bought a Modern Warfare game. This kid couldn’t have been more than 10. Whenever this happens, I usually take it upon myself to let the parent or guardian know the games rating and they have to carry it out of the store. I usually get strange looks but they comply nonetheless. It’s like they don’t even care. 99% of the time it’s the mother who buys the game and they don’t spare a second glance at what the game is about. I get the rare parent who asks questions about what their child would be playing if they bought this game or that. I commend those parents.

There you go. That’s the problem. It’s the parents. They get the games to shut the kids up and that’s that. If they were good parents they would monitor what their kids played and kept them away from it. If you’re going to blame video games then blame yourselves for letting your kid play that shit. Games have ratings for a reason. You wouldn’t let your 10 or 11 year old watch porn, would you? Then why would you let them play crap like Grand Theft Auto?

Still don’t believe me? I’ll leave you with a little something that all mature gamers hate. It’s a video of a child that is playing an adult rated game online. Lay off the game violence and look at who is letting them play.

My Pet Peeve is Named Juargo

I will be the first to admit that I have an extremely short temper. Most people blame my red hair, but honestly, I just can’t stand stupid people or things. I have a ton of pet peeves. I don’t really know what kind of person that makes me, but I’m sure it’s annoying to others. I’ve toned it down over the years. So here’s my top ten pet peeves.

Warning! There is a lot of cussing in this post.

1. Someone looking over your shoulder.

I. Cannot. Stand. This. It’s come to the point I will not write anything if anyone is in the same room as me. It never fails when I’m reading a webcomic or fanfic that someone comes in on the worst part. Jesse has a bad habit of looking over when I’m reading a Yaoi or something and it’s infuriating. Especially when I’m texting something private, someone will waltz by,” Hey, whatcha doin?” and stick their noses right to my damn phone. STOP IT! Jesus!

2. When you’re on the phone and the person you’re talking to engages in conversation with someone standing next to them.

If you see me on the phone, that means I’m engaged in conversation with someone else. DO NOT TALK TO ME. I could possibly be avoiding you. For one, it’s extremely rude. Now if I see someone I haven’t seen in a while, I’ll holler a hello and move on. Secondly, I’m pretty sure the person on the phone doesn’t want to hear someone else try to grab my attention and gargle balls about what the weather is like.

3.  Fellow Commuters

I hate other people when they drive on the same road as I do. Mainly people who DON’T GO ON A GREEN LIGHT! I’ve had one bad experience where a woman in a fucking eco compact car wouldn’t GO because she was on her phone! Get off your phone when you drive and you might live to see another day…….not from wrecking but from me kicking your teeth down your throat.

4. People who believe they know everything

I’m not talking just about the internet, though my two major encounters were on the webz. Let me tell you the first one. I have a friend who put up a status on the great Book of Faces mentioning the whole “oh there’s a new zodiac they’re are incorporating” deal. I forgot what she said, but it was good. I just commented that I would rather go with what the Greeks had, they did it better. I was just gonna leave it at that. Then here comes Mr. I-Love-The-Smell-Of-My-Own-Farts-Smuggy-Pants saying,”Well actually, (anytime someone starts a comment with this, I know I’m going to hate them) the zodiac was started with the Babylonians blah blah BLAH FUCKTY BLAH!!!” Did I say anything about who started it? Fukken NO!! I don’t care. You’re just showing your ass thinking that people with believe you’re a goddman Einstein. Shut it. Why? Why do people do this? No one cares about it.

5. Interrupting Cow

I think this should be self explanatory. Just know that if I get interrupted, I will meditate on killing your face slowly with a fork.

(Kanye West, this was terribly rude! Yes, I know you apologized, but this is the holy grail of rude interruptions.)

6. Neeeeeeeeeeedsssss

If I do you a favor, it could have possibly been a one time thing. Don’t make it a habit. Some people have done that with me and I want to throw my phone into a canyon every time I get that one text: Hey, I was wondering if…….. Well, wonder no longer! I won’t do it!

7. MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!!!!

Attention Whores

No, I won’t. You’re not funny, you’re not cute, and you’re definitely not that important. Fuck off.

8. My Mini Hipster

I’ve been into many things that no one has heard of. Suddenly, it’s the most popular thing with everyone! I just wanna shout, “I was into that before it was popular!” It’s sometimes books and movies, but it’s always anime. Damn you, posers. And I can’t stand it when I get all hipster on people and they give me hell for it.

9. When someone with a full cart of groceries gets into the 10 items or less line.

YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE, EXTREME COUPONER LADY!! I hated being cashier on one of these lines. It’s also murder when they stop right in front of the line and count their items…..while people are waiting behind them. Don’t count, move on! If I have to go home in five minutes, I’m sure as hell not gonna check you out when you have a buggy FULL of shit. DENIED!

10. Ignorant People

This above all is my biggest pet peeve. Don’t try to sound big and outsmart me when you know NOTHING of what you’re talking about. Mainly religion. Just shut up while you’re ahead. Also, if you see me working in hardware, that means I KNOW how to mix paint and fix a damn door jamb you fucked up while beating your wife because she didn’t cook dinner fast enough. Don’t assume shit unless you got the facts to back it up, biatch!! If I’m wrong, I’ll admit it. Why can’t you?

Hardest Thing Ever

Number six on the thirty things list is what is the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. Thinking back on it I’m not quite sure unless you count working the remodel at Wally World. So does this question involve the death of a loved one, school, sports, what? I could include the birth of my second niece. That was the first time I’ve seen a woman’s vagina do things it really shouldn’t do. Wonderful abstinence for the young folk in my opinion.

In the end I think I will go with the remodel of the local Wal Mart. To be honest it was three months of pure, unadulterated hell. This remodel was for the WHOLE store. Everything was changing. I was going on four months without a job and Jesse thought it would be cool if I worked there with him. I put my app in and two days later got a call for an interview. I had no idea what was in store for me.

The temporary supervisor was a tiny blond woman who had the biggest stick up her ass. Oh, she was evil. So I had to deal with that on top of dealing with these things called gondola wheels. They are basically jacks that you hook up to the counters and move them. These things weigh a good forty pounds and came in steel containers. It was shit. That’s all you need to know and pray you never have to come into contact with one.

They reek of evil.

So three months solid of this crap, but hey, I ended up working permanent for Wal Mart and it’s a hell of a lot better than Taco Hell.

A Woman Named Merlin

I was born in Georgia and raised in Tennessee since I was five. I grew up in the back woods of Cherry Creek. The road I lived on went back into a hollow (but affectionately called “holler” by us hillbillies) surrounded by mountains. My home was located in the middle of a small tobacco field that was owned by my grandfather. My grandparents had a huge influence in my life and made me what I am today. The lessons they taught weren’t always easy. I had to learn as I went.

For example: I set tobacco every May when school just let out. Papa never told me how to sit and put the small plants into the wheel. I had to watch and go at the same time. I hated setting tobacco. The hot midday sun burned my neck, arms and legs; which is horrible for a poor little ginger girl. My back hurt from the huge water tank smashing into it as we wobbled around on the setter. The only relief I seemed to get was when Papa drove over a big lump of dirt and water splashed onto my neck. Dirt would embed itself under my fingernails. The tray of baby tobacco plants would skin the tops of my knees. At the end of the day I was too tired to play with my cousins or siblings. Being the oldest of all the children, I started working before they could. My brother and sister couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t play with them.

~This lesson taught me that things have to be done no matter how much you hate it. Also, at the end of the day, I got a good supper and a hot shower. The sleep was amazing.

Another lesson from setting: I had to ride the setter with the strangest woman. Papa and Meme always called her Merlin; which I later found out it was hillbilly slang for Marilyn. Merlin resided in the holler with her husband and fifteen ankle biting dogs out of an old run down trailer. She always smelled of beer and cigarette smoke. Those things made this fifty something woman sane until she opened her mouth. The craziest damn things rolled out. I remember her telling me a story about a horse that ran out of one of the fields and ended up in her house. Then I realized this woman couldn’t tell her ass from a hole in the ground.

~This lesson Papa gave me was to learn who the crazies were. Just imagine a small eight year old riding a tobacco setter with a crazy woman named Merlin.

Meme taught me a lot I still carry with me. She was the typical old country woman who lived through two world wars, three more wars, and the Depression. She saw the stock market crash, Kennedy assassinated, MLK killed, the moon landing; and yet, she never stopped providing for her family. God was her main support beam. I believe she was the only Christian I’ve ever known to actually follow the moral points of the Bible. I learned to cook, clean, sew, and to stop crying so I could talk clearly. I was at her side most of my childhood.

I remember one morning my mom came to wake me up for school. I slept in the bed with Meme a lot before they had to switch her bed to a hospital one. I kicked and cried that I didn’t want to go. Meme was my everything. I wanted to learn everything from her; even going so far as to watch her read and fill out the crossword puzzles (which she did with an ink pen).¬† I asked her once to fill out a list of all the presidents of the United States. It took her two minutes. Her head was so full of book knowledge, but one thing she taught me was something that I will never let go of.

“Ne’er put someone down fer who they are or how they live their life. If a Mormon comes to yer door, let ’em in and listen to ’em. Ya might learn somethin’. If someone looks differ’nt, don’t stare. They bleed the same blood an’ breathe th’ same air as you.”

I have carried those words with me since I heard them. It’s key not to judge someone right on the spot, but never ever let your guard down or become too trusting of someone. It’s always possible for them to rip your heart out.

 

So these are some of the lessons I was taught growing up in the back woods. I suggest taking some to heart and learning where it can take you in life.

 

If You Use the Internet

You’ll read this post. All of it.

Everyone who has ever used the internet is risking their freedom, myself included. No matter what site you’ve been to, video you’ve watched, or photo you’ve shared; you are at a potential risk of being jailed and fined. You think SOPA and PIPA were the only things we had to worry about? They are still a threat to the people of this country. What about ACTA?

Remember MegaUpload? They were shut down. Their offices raided and all computers taken for the files. The thing is, if you have ever uploaded or downloaded anything from MegaUpload, you are at risk of being jailed. All of your information from the downloads you made are in those files taken by Obama’s justice system when they busted in and took everything. On Jan. 20th your information became government property. I hope this is hitting home to those who have used this site. The creator was arrested as well as the staff. Do you want to know how many people are going to be arrested when all of the seized information has been gone through? 25 million people. Let me start from the beginning.

For those of you who do not keep up with what’s going through Senate or the House of Reps, let’s talk about SOPA. The Stop Online Piracy Act. Only a politician from Texas would make it that easy to figure out. It is what it says it is: to stop the theft of online copyrights. Still don’t get it? Here, take music for example. It’s actually the best example because millions of people pirate music every single day. Do you use frostwire, kazaa, limewire, or beemp3? You’re copyright infringing. You’re a pirate. You are what SOPA is trying to stop. Yes, it’s wrong to steal music, but hell, they shouldn’t make it so damn easy now should they? Haha. Just joking. I used to be that way. I was young and didn’t know the difference, but you know what? That will not matter if this bill gets passed. I would be arrested and indited $150,000 for every copyright infringement I did. In my paranoid state I’ve stopped using those sites in order to protect myself from my own government. How sad is that? We live in a “free” country yet here we are trying to hide from the big bad government. Doesn’t sound like a democracy does it? Anyway, U.S. Representative Lamar Smith (R-TX) brought this bill to the floor for the other politicians. So he’s Republican AND from Texas. Haven’t we been down this road before? Well let’s take a small excerpt from the wonderful Wikipedia, the free man’s encyclopedia.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/sep/09/inquiry-opened-about-new-black-panther-case/?feat=home_top5_shared

” a United States bill introduced by U.S. Representative Lamar S. Smith (R-TX) to expand the ability of U.S. law enforcement to fight online trafficking in copyrighted intellectual property and counterfeit goods. Provisions include the requesting of court orders to bar advertising networks and payment facilities from conducting business with infringing websites, and search engines from linking to the sites, and court orders requiring Internet service providers to block access to the sites. The law would expand existing criminal laws to include unauthorized streaming of copyright material, imposing a maximum penalty of five years in prison.”

Let me break this down for you. “…to fight online trafficking in copyrighted intellectual property and counterfeit goods.”¬† Intellectual property, IP, is a term most often used to describe many unrelated legal concepts. It’s a creation of the mind that is protected by law, those laws being trademarks, copyright, or patents. It’s basically what your mind comes up with, or something so genuine that no one else has it or thought of it and you can protect it by getting it copyright or trademarked or patented. (BILLY MAYS HERE WITH OXYCLEAN!) Yeah, Oxyclean was a patent that is someone’s intellectual property. So is most everything you see or hear on the tv or radio today. Moving on. Counterfeit goods, aka Knock-offs are basically an imitation of something that is already an IP protected by fields of law. Sam’s Choice ring a bell? A brand created by the biggest multimillion dollar corporation in the wold, Wal Mart. They are the creators of Dr. Thunder, Mountain Lightning, Sam’s Cola; all that stuff you buy because it’s just a little cheaper than the name brand. It’s not just food. Clothing, movies, furniture, hardware, tires, and toys are all counterfeit goods! Why buy a $35 shirt at Abercrombie when you can get it at K-Mart for $15? Well good thing this is just for the interwebs right?

“Provisions include the requesting of court orders to bar advertising networks and payment facilities from conducting business with infringing websites, and search engines from linking to the sites, and court orders requiring Internet service providers to block access to the sites. So maybe there’s one good thing that would come out of this: no more annoying flash adds on youtube? What this basically means is any website that is partnered with another site that has counterfeit goods or violations of intellectual property will be shut down and removed from search engines. So basically….every website known to man….which is mostly porn anyway. Part two of this quote talks about our, OUR, internet service providers blocking these webistes from us. That means these people will remotely be inside our computers looking at everything we look at and decide what website they deem violates these laws. Sorry if you like I-Am-Bored.com or even Wikipedia. This also runs along the lines of the PIPA bill, but that’s for another blog.

“The law would expand existing criminal laws to include unauthorized streaming of copyright material, imposing a maximum penalty of five years in prison.” This last bit is pretty much self explanatory. This bill would cause existing laws on copyright infringement to include anything that you can stream from a website. That means movies, music, anything of that particular theme. If you’re caught doing it then you get put in the state penitentiary for five long years. I’m not talking about county jail. I’m talking about maximum security facility where you and Bubba will become the best of friends. On top of that just imagine the humiliation that comes with being put in FEDERAL PRISON for committing such a crime. You will be everyone’s bitch in the pen. The question will be asked,” What did you get put in here for? Murder? Rape? Burglary?” Your answer will simply be,” No, I was caught copyright infringing when I downloaded that Lady Gaga song from Kazaa.” Hahaha. Sorry. I know it’s a serious issue but anytime this situation comes to mind I can’t help but find humor in it.

So that was a breakdown of the first paragraph. If you want to know more on the bill then go to Wikipedia and check it out. It should be easier to understand now that I’ve explained the main terminology in the page. If you still don’t get it then why the hell are you still one here? You want to keep your internet? Then become more educated on what our government is doing, what Congress is doing. There are videos out there for you to watch. There are petitions for you to sign. You want to be free? Then fight for it.